Thoroughly Modern Woman with Traditional Values

Hi everyone!

This blog is very opinionated and perhaps controversial based on conversations I have had with models, make-up artists on set, friends, married and divorced couples. I look forward to your comments. 

Today we see more and more, women taking on more and more. We are obviously, no longer solely expected to, nor do most of us want to be stay at home housewives whose purpose is to clean, cook, and produce children.  However, that absolutely doesn't mean we women are cleared of that expectation, no not in the slightest. Women are expected to have careers, contribute equally to the household income and pop out babies, then to be excellent mommies, volunteer at the kid's school, oversee household finances, manage the family calendar, cook and clean. Umm...excuse me? I'm sorry, but that sounds like we've taken on 2 roles. How did it get to this point and why is it continuing?

While I am a modern woman who absolutely was raised to be financially independent and to pursue my dreams and goals, I fully expect my husband to be the primary breadwinner if he expects me to be super mommy when we have children one day. I am shocked at the amount of conversations I have had with men who make comments like: "She isn't pulling her weight with her salary" or  "I expect my wife to have a career and to raise the kids."  WHAT? I am troubled with this attitude that men have today and with the way that women let it continue.

Now, while women clearly are excellent multi-taskers and there is nothing we really can't do, that doesn't mean we should be expected to do it all! But is it the man's fault entirely for having this outlook? Or have women pushed their "equal" abilities to men so much to the point where they just don't know what their role is anymore?

Ladies, it is time to take the reins and assert yourself! YES, you can have your career and financial wealth, BUT this doesn't mean that when you are married with children, you should be expected to balance being the perfect domestic house mom and powerful career woman, contributing the same income you were before kids! Now, is the time to decide, what do I want my marriage to look like? How do I want my life to be when I have children? Before you get married, it is important you have this discussion with your future husband and let him know that yes, while clearly I am capable of bringing in an income, I will not be "pulling the same weight" when I am raising your children :-) Unless, of course you want to.

I have no experience being married, but I have spoken with a lot of married and divorced couples, dating couples and read a lot of books on relationships. I think it is important in a marriage to have defined roles, so the woman doesn't get overwhelmed, feeling like she has to do it all and the man doesn't think he has to do anything except bring home a paycheck. Listen, guys, if you want to pull the whole, "times have changed and both the husband and wife should contribute to the household income" card, then you better be prepared to roll up your sleeves and change some diapers, prepare school lunches the night before and attend PTA meetings, got it?

It's one thing if the wife WANTS to work while raising her family, but it's a whole 'nother thing for hubby to EXPECT her to contribute financially and be the maid and nanny FULL TIME. I know when I get married, I will probably want to work but I certainly do not want my husband ever asking me when I'm getting my next paycheck or telling me I should find a better paying job so we can pay the bills. No sir, we women are expected to do EVERYTHING nowadays and while we can, the one thing you are expected to do is provide for your family.

Times are different now and roles can vary from couple to couple based on what works best for them. I think the most important way for there to be balance in a marriage and for both parties to be happy, is with communication. 

In summary, I am proud of the progress women have made over time and I love seeing so many influential women breaking through the glass ceiling in media, politics, business etc. However, this doesn't mean we should HAVE to play both roles when we get married and start raising children. I feel like women are over-exerting themselves and men are allowing it. So women, draw those lines and decide how you want your roles to be before you get married. The habits you start in a relationship and marriage is the way it will continue. 

Communication is key, it is important your man knows WAY in advance how you expect to be treated so you can work out any differences you have BEFORE you close the deal. 

Until next time,

Kristen Dalton